Further by feather

Further by feather

To be  young, wild, and free
That’s what I wanna be!
I long to be outside these cold bars I see

Caged.
Outcast and Outraged.
Falling behind my years.
My smile fooling my peers,
meanwhile fears fuel my tears
That’s not how it ends,
let’s turn a page.
Betrayed but not derailed.
Chase after destiny,
with my morals unchanged.
No one but me, my God,  and forced faith.

To fly is my absolute.
Feather,  by feather
To reach new altitudes
Further and further
with my new attitude.

Know for sure that I certainly will.
Determined not dependent,  as I go for the kill.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever the stakes!

Time to take off.
Further by feather…
Let me spread my wings.

Advertisements

INTELLIGENT
They’ve always said it
I always doubt it

BEAUTIFUL
I’ve been to the mirror
That’s not what I saw though

<<HE SAID TO ME>>

REDEEMED
You are by my grace.
Look at all the good you are

LOVED
You are
In all so many ways.

He said Some are shiny and smooth around the edges, whilst some aren’t as slim and grand, but all are worth the same rand
Sum1 told me a story about diamonds

They also told me some are black
He said these were rare and hard to find and are best,
Also worth more than the rest
Their beauty camouflages the surroundings, as to show how related they are to the earth but
They are often not picked, as they resemble pebbles and stones

These black diamonds are tough and have been through rough times as they form in volcanic eruptions
And from there their existence was never free from disruptions
But still that doesn’t break them, they long to be taken to the market as well, not to be sold, but displayed yet nothing of that sort happens, only those wise enough and know their worth, search and wish to keep these for their own wealth, and pitifully end up with rocks

And here you are ruining this little precious rock,
that rock is actually a gem
A true art form that is only itself
that gem is myself
I am that black diamond and though I’m not yet moulded
Take caution I’m wounded, and I’m worth more than what u think!

from a 14 year old me

6bc84ee9069c154b5f30d5c307d729b1

Hours past my bedtime , numbly shuffling fingers down my screen  “face-looking” at peers,  “paging” their “embrace-booking” Facebook accounts.

“Mmm , she’s grown”(LOVE THIS) 😉❤…”well , well,  well,  look at him”(MEEH)😕😑…”cute pic! ( I LIKE)👍”…. “hehe, I like your face( I LIKE)😉👍… making all these comments, liking this , liking that , LOLing  this,  then that , but it all isn’t fun to me anymore. I do that because I remember how it….

…I was 13 years old….it was all I lived for, my esteem depended on it. I would secretly tally my popularity day by day . it made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside seeing the number of likes slowly rising week by week ( …It sort of still does, just in a different way now), but pay attention to my take home message. This is all false confidence  and it kills. It will at some point, at least to someone who is like me.

I would often spend time , working on a perfect selfie (my phone had no frontal camera,  give me credit,  the struggle was for real). A step to the left , another to the right,  “Is this right?”…routinal motion that  became worship to the” selfie Gods” , all in the name of  beauty,  the smart , and the bubbly spirit. Amen!

Soon enough, after a good struggle in the bathroom for the perfect angle, lighting and pose…”image successfully uploaded “….  It felt good being ‘beautiful ‘ ,  being ‘cray ‘, being ‘smart’.

Was I? Am I? Or am I just slowly distorting my truest self? Trying very hard to fulfill a fantasy,  forge a life with no worries.

Truth is, when reality shows its sometimes ugly face, you cannot respond accordingly. When you have to face confrontations , disappointments , or even real life compliments all  that happens is just an electric shock of nerves, a chill down your spine when you can’t respond with an emoji .

Well, that’s what happened to me, to say the least.  It sucks,especially because all those years , practising to be antisocial,  I thought I was a social butterfly. Yes , I was . A social media butterfly and a real life lifeless chrysalis… maybe that isn’t all bad I have always loved butterflies anyways, but spreading my wings to become an eagle appeals to me even more.

So , at least to those that like that, thumbs up I like your face!😉👍

Thank you for reading.